Priesthill (Zion) Methodist

“centred in Christ, caring for people”

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The flowers are springing up,
the season of singing birds
has come;
Song of Solomon 2v12

Glossary Terms - Daffynitions

Format involving the reinterpretation of an existing word, on the basis that it sounds like another word (or group of words). eg:
alarms: What an octopus is. (all arms), suitable: A cow. (Suit a bull), etc.

Absolve
To take an algebra test

Adultery
A fully grown tree

Altar
100% asphalt

Amen
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows

Atheist
A believer in non-belief

Baptist
Someone who likes buns

Cantaloupe
Gotta get married in a church

Church
Where the world is seen through stained-glass

Clear
the type of conscience that corresponds with a bad memory

Committee
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours

Crusade
The doctors and nurses on board most ferries

Damnation
Beaver country

Death
the time when an atheist is all dressed up with nowhere to go

Dogma
A puppies mum

Eulogy
The study of the 21st letter

Hebrew
Jewish tea bag

Herod
She's strange

Holy Smoke
The church is on fire

Karma
An automobile's maternal parent

Marriage
Matter of wife and debt

Matrimony
A dowery

Parable
Two male oxen

Pew
Ancient device of torture, developed to make people wish they had to stand through worship, as in early centuries.

Philosophy
The science which enables us to be unhappy more intelligently

Politics
Poli (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites)

Psychology
The science which tells us things everybody already knows about human personality in language which few of us can understand.

Religion
Where you find prophets and non-profits

Slam Dunk
A rough baptism

Vestments
Small, white mints kept in the vest pockets of grandfathers in the church. A traditional bribe to keep children quiet during a sermon.

Womens Groups
The source of all power in the church.

Zealot
Sleeping sickness